And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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