I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
