Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
