She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Randomize
