i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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