I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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