I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
