oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
