why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
