So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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