this beer tastes like vomit already
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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