Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
