I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
