last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My dick has a subreddit
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
