You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
