It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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