Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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