I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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