Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
