My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
