I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish i was in the wii world.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
