i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
