does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize