I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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