This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
