You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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