This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
