I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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