Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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