it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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