i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
