I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
