They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
