you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
