Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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