You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Boobs speak an international language.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
