But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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