Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
