i may or may not be watching the land before time
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
