I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
