Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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