I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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