I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
