i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize