forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
even my farts smell like vagina
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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