we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
