I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
