I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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