I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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