The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
