never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize