I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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