I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just had sex on a roof
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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