Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
