i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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