We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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