I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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