I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
