Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
