YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
