Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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