is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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