My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
