he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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