drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
