i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
