Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
