No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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