He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
