so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
