i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
