I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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