before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
