I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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