At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You dont lie about slip and slides
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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