It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
