My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
