On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
