im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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