She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
