Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
