I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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