whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
