it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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